


Sonya, Lonely

by tooberjoober



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-01 00:19:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13986399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooberjoober/pseuds/tooberjoober
Summary: In the aftermath of Anatole, Sonya takes care of Natasha, leads her towards health and reconciliation with the one she's hurt. But in doing so, she realizes her own loneliness and desire for companionship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What's up fuckers? I've had this first chapter written for a good while and honestly I'm real proud of it. I have no idea when I might next update, probably within the next month or so at least, but I wanted to get this shit out there. So yeah, thanks and leave a comment or kudos if you enjoy and I might get the motivation to write faster!

Natasha was ill, Anatole was gone, Andrey was home, and Sonya was utterly alone. She hadn't slept in weeks, she spent each night on an uncomfortable chair in the parlor, one eye on the door, watching, praying that Anatole wouldn't return to take her dear cousin away. If Natasha called, Sonya came running, but Sonya didn't mind. What would she do if Natasha was gone? The very thought of it was enough to bring her to tears. Natasha, once so healthy and lively and beautiful now took on a different kind of beauty, the kind reserved for old paintings of once beautiful women, emotionless, lifeless faded. 

Sonya would sit and recall the moments before that man came in and ruined their happiness. Sonya was not a violent or cruel person, but given the opportunity, she would hunt Kuragin down for hurting her friend, her family. Natasha was all that she had and she would not let her go. 

"Natalya," Sonya murmured to her unresponsive cousin. "I know you can hear me, silly girl." She brushed several stray curls from Natasha's forehead, her skin was cold and clammy against Sonya's fingers. "Lunches aren't as fun with you absent. The world seems darker without you up and about." Sonya sighed at her cousin's silence. "Prince Andrei has been asking about you. He tries to seem terrible and angry, but I think he's just sad." Sonya paused. "I want to believe that he understands, or if he doesn't, then he will soon." Natasha's dull eyes were on her, but still she said nothing.

"Do you not wish to see him?" Sonya inquired, squeezing Natasha's hand. 

"I do." Natasha sighed, her voice hoarse from the lack of use. 

"Then I shall arrange it." Sonya stood, leaning to kiss Natasha's forehead. 

"May I come to the opera tonight?" Natasha asked feebly. 

"No, silly girl. You must rest." Sonya responded fondly. 

"Then you must go and tell me the story." Natasha said adamantly. 

"No, no, I could never leave you in this state." Sonya insisted. 

"You must." Natasha argued. "I'd never be able to live with myself if I believed that because of my stupid mistake you won't be able to enjoy life." Sonya frowned, but Natasha smiled and took her hand. "Please Sonya, it'd be a crime to keep all your beauty to myself." She teased good naturedly. 

Sonya flushed. Rarely was she ever called beautiful. The word beautiful was reserved for women like her cousin. "You're clearly not feeling well, speaking delusions as you are." She smiled with good humor. 

"Sonya," Natasha sighed with a frown. She decided to change the subject, looking away. "I suppose my fortune came true." She smiled bittersweetly. "But Sonya, you never told me what it is you saw for your future." 

Sonya hesitated, her hands worrying over Natasha's covers. "A man." She chuckled awkwardly. "Everyone sees a man." In all honesty, Sonya had seen something much more frightening than a coffin or a man. In the mirror she had seen a woman's figure. The woman either was not clothed, or she was clad in a tight fitting shirt and trousers, though Sonya had never known such a woman. 

The figure in the mirror aroused such a horrible confusion within Sonya, bringing to mind feelings and former confusions that she never quite understood. Vanity or jealousy that she once held towards other women, resurfacing to further guilt her once more. Sonya snapped out of her reverie to explain her silence to Natasha. "My…poor fiancé." She lamented the loss of her dearest childhood friend, yet she did not love him, though she believed she would have grown to love him in time. Perhaps the woman was just her, Sonya alone. 

During her silence, Natasha had fallen asleep. Sonya kissed her forehead once more, before stepping out of the room. 

* * *

It felt unnatural for Sonya to go to the opera alone, as Marya had stayed behind to watch Natasha. So Sonya walked to her box, her heart racing and her eyes flitting from face to familiar face.

A loud commanding voice rang out. "Announcing Prince Andrei and Princess Mary Bolkonsky." The siblings walked arm in arm amidst a burst of gossiping whispers. 

"Prince Andrei! What of his betrothed?" 

"Natasha, that stupid girl, tried to elope." 

Sonya scowled at the busybodies that couldn't keep to themselves. Then she heard something that made her pause. 

"Princess Mary is altogether too plain and boring! How could she possibly be related to Andrei?" 

Sonya stood, composing herself before she left her box. She then entered the box of the royals. She curtsied low and spoke softly. "Andrei, how wonderful to see you home. And Princess Mary, I'm Sonya, Natasha's cousin." Sonya straightened herself out and turned her gaze to Mary and her heart stopped in her chest. Her hair was in a tight braid on her head and her dress was loose, giving her neither shape nor form, yet still Sonya was entranced. A cross hung around Mary's neck, drawing Sonya's attention briefly to her covered chest, before her gaze immediately flew elsewhere. 

Mary offered a curtsy. "I was so sad to hear about Natasha's state. Is she accepting visitors?" Mary asked hopefully. Andrey scoffed, but Sonya could see the interest in his eyes. 

"Yes," Sonya nodded. "She was very hopeful that the two of you would visit." She said, offering a smile. 

"Why should we visit that…that stupid girl?" Andrei huffed, frowning. Sonya felt anger rise in her chest and she was a moment away from slapping him. 

Mary beat her to the point, slapping his arm and scowling. "Andrei! You heard what Pierre said! You know who's fault it is." 

"I…still…" Andrei sighed, sadness and hurt in his eyes. And Sonya felt pity rise within her, and she moved to comfort him. 

"It's alright, I understand. And I believe Natasha does too. She is wracked with grief over her mistakes. She was manipulated." Sonya said. 

Andrei nodded, looking away with a sigh. "Yes, well I…truly have missed her. Would I really be able to see her?" 

"If you would come, she would be overjoyed." Sonya smiled. 

Mary smiled softly, putting a hand on Andrei's arm comfortingly. "We will visit soon. Within the next few days." She said. Her attention first on her brother, then turning her face to nod at Sonya. She let go of Andrei and moved to take Sonya's hands in hers. Sonya felt her heart stop and her hands started tingling where Mary touched her. "Thank you, for coming to speak with us." Her smile was warm and genuine and Sonya could hear her heart in her ears. 

"Of course." She nodded. Sonya backed away and curtsied. "Enjoy the opera." She turned and rushed back to her box. 

She tried to focus on the opera, but the wailing and dancing was only the background to her sitting pensively. Her mind raced back to Mary. The princess was as kind as rumor said she was loyal. Loyal to her father and loyal to her brother, but no loyal husband. It was odd. As lovely and kind as she was, Mary really ought to have a husband or at least a fiancé at this point. Certainly she must have had suitors. Sonya did not understand why these were the thoughts that flooded her mind. She brushed it off as the gossiping mindset of Moscow being contagious. There was no other true explanation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey a new chapter! Hooray! Hope you enjoy it! And if you do maybe leave a comment? I'd love some validation lol

"Sonya! Cousin dear, tell me about the opera." Natasha smiled, seeing Sonya walk through her door. 

"Admittedly I did not pay much attention to the story." Sonya said apologetically. "But I do have good news. Prince and Princess Bolkonsky were in attendance." She rushed to sit by Natasha's bedside. 

"My darling Andrei…" Natasha sighed. "And what of Princess Mary? Is she well?" She asked, sitting herself up. 

"Both are well. Both miss you terribly, though only one will admit it." Sonya said. 

"Andrei…" Natasha looked down. "I know I have hurt him terribly. I don't want his love, I know I don't deserve it. I just want him to know…" Natasha said quickly, her eyes filling with tears. 

"Sh…" Sonya hushed her, pulling her into a hug. "I understand. All will be well." She assured her. 

"How do you know?" Natasha demanded weakly. 

"I just do." Sonya answered. She pulled away, cupping Natasha's cheek. "Pierre has spoken to them. Princess Mary is trying to convince him to forgive." 

"He loves Mary. She is smart and she is loyal to him. She wouldn't forgive me unless she thought I was worthy." Natasha smiled weakly. 

Sonya stood, smoothing out the blanket. "They will come to visit soon. The next few days." She said. "You have to plan what to say to them." 

Natasha's eyes widened, she grasped Sonya's arm. "Oh cousin dear, how can I thank you?" She smiled. "Thank you so much, taking care of me and now convincing Andrei to visit." She shook her head. 

Sonya smiled, leaning over Natasha to kiss her forehead. "Think not of it." She said softly. "I know if the roles were reversed you would do what you could. Now rest and let me rest as well." Sonya said, starting towards her room. 

The truth of the matter was that she did not know if Natasha would do the same. She was kind, but she was vain and easily tempted. But it had been the first time that Sonya had seen her truly happy since she tried to elope. 

* * *

Mary was lost in her own mind. During the ride home she said little. She was often quiet, but she spoke freely to Andrei.

"Mary," Andrei said. "Did you enjoy the opera?" 

"Hm? Oh yes." She nodded. "It's been ages since I've been able to leave the house." She smiled bitterly. "A night without father's yelling has been greatly appreciated." 

"You've seemed…distracted." He said. "Where has your mind wandered off too?" 

"You've never known before. You won't know now." Mary smiled teasingly. 

"Insight into your mind is something many men would cherish, yet not even I hold a key." Andrei chuckled. 

Mary quickly frowned. "Andrei…please." She sighed. "You know even the most insight into my mind wouldn't help any suitors. Father is adamant that I remain single till I become an old spinster! I must stay with him for who will take care of that wretched old man?" Her voice slowly rose in volume. "He's terribly lucky that no one's strangled him in his sleep! Me or one of his whores or some old family member or servant!" She huffed. 

Andrei watched her in surprise, staying silent. "I'm sorry…what brought this on?" He asked curiously. 

"The opera!" She exclaimed. "About love and devotion and passion and I have none! I will never have anything of the sort!" She said. "Any man that could love me is being chased away! At this point I shall never be happy. I will never be anyone's wife." She said, blinking tears from her eyes. 

"I understand, Mary." Andrei said, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

"How can you understand?" Mary demanded. "You've had a grand romance! You will have plenty more before your time is up. You are charming and handsome and rich and what am I?" She said. "I am plain, I have nothing of my own, and father chases everyone away from me." 

"You're right." Andrei gave in. "You're absolutely right, save for one thing. You, dear Mary, are anything but plain." He said with a kind smile. "You are kind and intelligent and beautiful. And anyone who disagrees is blind." He said. 

Mary smiled weakly. "Thank you." She wiped tears out of her eyes. 

"Especially considering that I am your brother, and I am quite handsome if I do say so myself." He said teasingly. "If one of us is good looking then we both are." 

Mary snorted at the absurdity of his declaration as the troika stopped in front of their manner. Mary was glad. 

"Are you sure there's nothing else on your mind?" Andrei asked, as they sat in the still troika. 

"What do you think of Sonya?" Mary asked curiously. "I don't know what to think of her." She only had her appearance and love of Natasha to judge her on, and those were very little. 

"She's quiet. She is loyal to Natasha. She is less beautiful, but then again, most women are. She is clever and kind. Natasha once told me that she was interested in the spiritual." He shrugged. "She is an average woman, I believe." 

"Do you think we can trust her?" She asked. 

Andrei shrugged. "Sonya is good. I don't see why she would lie to us." 

Mary nodded, staying silent as the two walked into the estate. She remained quite as the pair separated and went to their rooms. There was something about Sonya. Neither good or bad, just different. The entire evening had been a bit of an ordeal for Mary. The upsetting nature of the plot of the opera in combination with the scantily clad women everywhere. Perhaps that was what bothered her about Sonya. She was the woman she interacted with the most. Bare arms, a low cut dress, and jewels draping over her chest. Mary's face grew red with frustration and embarrassment at the thought of the woman in the dress. How scandalously the Moscow women dressed! Had they no shame? 

Sonya fiancé had passed on in the war, perhaps Sonya was attempting to attract a new suitor. But no, all the women at the opera were dressed in similar gowns with similar jewels draped along similar flesh. But still something about Sonya seemed different. Maybe she was aiming to impress? Or maybe it was just that she left an impression.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really edit things, and ts late and I'm tired so like double unedited, hope you still enjoy, and if you do feel free to leave a comment behind!

Natasha's room was filled with discomfort. Sonya struggled to find some sort of small talk to stimulate conversation with Andrei and Mary, but every attempt seemed to fall flat. Sonya was never particularly skilled with these social situations. That was where Natasha thrived. But at the moment her eyes were lowered to her hands in shame.

"Natasha…" Mary said after a moment. "Would it be easier to speak to Andrei alone for a moment?" She asked, compassion in her eyes as she looked at Natasha. 

Natasha did not respond for a moment. She didn't know how to. She glanced up at Andrei. "If…if the prince will allow it." She said softly, lifting her chin slightly. 

Andrei nodded to Mary, and Sonya quickly walked out of the room into the hall. Mary joined her, closing the door all but a crack behind them. Sonya moved towards two chairs against the opposit wall. "Princess Mary, would you like to sit?" She offered. Mary nodded, walking over to the chair slowly with a certain grace and elegance that Sonya admired, yet there was something odd about it. "I'm glad to be out of that room." Sonya admitted. "The air was suffocating with all the things that needed to be said." 

Mary nodded. "I think it best that they discuss things without us for a moment." 

Sonya nodded. For a moment they sat in silence, Sonya occasionally tried to tune in to what was happening in Natasha's bedroom, but she could hear nothing. She couldn't stand the silence. "So Princess Mary, I'm sorry to say it, but I know very little about you. Most people you can piece together through gossip, but with you-" 

"There's very little, I presume." Mary said with a wry smile. "I'm afraid I don't a very interesting life, nothing worthy of gossip." She said. 

"All that I know about you is that you care deeply for your father and you are the apple of his eye." Sonya said. 

Mary scoffed, crossing a leg over the other. There was a brief flash of skin under her skirt and Sonya felt heat flare in her face. "That's one way to say it." Mary said. "What about you, Sonya? You're not much of a subject for gossip either." 

"Aside from Natalie, you mean." Sonya smiled bitterly. 

"Of course." Mary nodded. "And I've heard of your fiancé, I'm sorry for your loss." She added. 

Sonya cleared her throat, looking away. "All is well…it feels as if I've lost a friend, nothing more." 

Mary frowned. "Certainly not. The privilege of a marriage and a formal courtship, are you saying that means nothing to you?" 

"Oh no! Of course not." Sonya said quickly. "I was happy with him, he was a good man and a good friend. I just…did not love him." She explained. "I'm not expecting love in a marriage, but I am hoping that I could have it." She said. "And I just didn't have that with him." 

Mary's frown did not leave her face. "I suppose I understand, but you were engaged! And you weren't overjoyed?" Mary felt that Sonya was being ungrateful. "Just to have even the opportunity…you should have been grateful." 

"I guess it just didn't matter that much to me." Sonya said with a shrug. 

"I don't understand you." Mary shook her head. "Love or no, marriage is a chance at freedom! A change of scenery. Don't you get it?" She gripped at the cross on her necklace. "A place where you won't be denied every desire." 

It was then that Sonya understood. For Mary, marriage wasn't a matter of love, it was a matter of who could take her away from the house where she was practically a prisoner. Notoriously reclusive, but perhaps it wasn't her choice. Her father was a bitter, capricious, old man. It would not surprise Sonya to learn he had been mistreating his daughter. 

Sonya felt a wave of pity sweep through her as her brain grasped for something to say. "I'm sorry, I had never thought about it like that." 

Mary looked away. And for a moment the pair just sat in silence. Sonya was searching for something to say to alleviate the tension, or at least, the silence. "Princess Mary…maybe not today, but if you'd like you can visit one day and we can read your fortune." Sonya said. 

"Read my fortune?" Mary said, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not sure if I really believe in that." Her hands moved instinctively to the cross resting on her chest. 

"You don't have to believe." Sonya said with a smile. "Most of the time it is more of a game than something to be taken seriously." 

Mary looked like she was about to respond when the voices in Natasha room began to grow louder. "He is not bad!" Natasha insisted, her voice hoarse, but loud. 

"He manipulated you! He lied to you! He was using you! How is that not a bad man?" Andrei demanded. 

"Oh no." Sonya mumbled, bolting to her feet and racing towards the door. Mary followed close behind her. "Natasha!" Sonya exclaimed, interrupting the conversation. "Princess Mary still wanted to speak with you before they take their leave."

Natasha took a deep, steadying breath. "Yes, of course. Princess Mary, I cannot thank you enough for coming." She glanced at Andrei. "Both of you really." 

"Of course." Mary nodded. "We really should be going, but you don't need to worry Natasha. Sonya's promised to read my fortune, so I will be returning soon." She smiled. "Until then, I hope you continue to recover." 

Natasha smiled. "Thank you Princess Mary, Prince Andrei." 

Sonya escorted the pair to the door. "I really am thankful that you two visited, despite that brief unpleasantness I believe she did enjoy your company. And Princess Mary, I enjoyed your company and look forward to reading your fortune." Sonya smiled. 

Mary took Sonya's hands in hers. "Of course. I may not believe, but it sound amusing enough." She smiled. Prince Andrei had already stepped into the carriage. Mary sighed and Sonya squeezed her hands. Mary's face turned a light pink, she dismissed it as the cold coloring her cheeks. "Thank you for everything, Sonya." She smiled wide, before dropping her hands and running to the carriage. 

Sonya's chest felt full and her hands felt empty. She felt as if she were running ill herself. She turned towards a fire and let the thoughts and worries of the day slip away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy pride month guys! Hope you enjoy, and if u do, lemme know!

"That was a bit of a disaster." Mary said to her brother. 

"I don't know why she still defends that Anatole." Andrei responded bitterly. "He used her! Why can't she see?" 

"Love, or rather infatuation, isn't it often deceiving? Doesn't it turn people into something they're not in your eyes?" Mary responded. "By convincing herself she loved this man, she made him infallible. Not entirely unlike how you made her." 

"What do you mean?" Andrei demanded. 

"You turned her into an angel, and so her fall from grace stung all the more." Mary said, placing her hand on her brother's arm. 

Andrei let out a sigh. "I don't know how you became so clever on matters such as this. Have you been hiding a lover from me and father?" 

"I've only observed from others." Mary responded. "Being an observer…I think it gives me a bit more insight into what is happening, though I have no practical knowledge." 

"Maybe someday." Andrei tried to assure her, as their carriage stopped outside of their house. 

"Not if he has anything to say about it." Mary mumbled, looking at the building with a silent dismay. 

* * *

"Natalya…" Sonya sighed by her cousin's bed. "With the way you acted, I would almost think you wanted to upset Prince Andrei."

"You know that's not what I wanted at all!" Natasha snapped. "I just couldn't stand to hear him say such things about Anatole…" She looked down. 

"Natasha…you know Anatole was no good! He lied to you, he tried to steal you away, and the worst part, he's done this before!" Sonya exclaimed in frustration. 

"He is not a bad man!" Natasha shouted. "How could he be? He kissed me so gently and wrote me so sweetly. He truly loved me. How could a man like that be bad?" She asked. 

Sonya stood. "If he had truly loved you, he would still be here. He would never have left Moscow. He would have proposed to you. He wouldn't have tried to ruin your reputation or steal you away from your family." She said in a low voice, seething with anger. 

"I don't want to hear this! Leave me alone!" Natasha sobbed, covering her face. 

Sonya instantly felt regret and pity. She would have reached out to her, if she thought there was any chance that Natasha would not recoil from her touch. "I cannot say I'm sorry." Sonya said softly. "But I can say that I love you, my dear friend." She turned and left the room, feeling the weight of Natasha's tears on her shoulders. 

Sonya went to her room. She sat down at her desk and began composing a letter. She wanted to write to Princess Mary and Andrei, apologizing for Natasha's behavior. And though their conversations had been few and fairly short, Sonya was interested in forging a friendship with Mary. She didn't know why, but something drew her to her. She felt they had something unknown in common. She was almost desperate to discover this shared trait, though she wasn't even positive it existed. 

So Sonya put her pen to paper and wrote, "Dear Princess Mary, I cannot begin to thank you enough for you and Prince Andrei's visit. Even though things turned sour, I hope neither of you think ill of her. She is foolish, but she is good. You must see that. Our conversation was briefly sour as well, but I genuinely enjoyed your company, Mary. I have the hope that perhaps one day we could be friends. My offer of a fortune stands, whenever you'd like to visit." 

* * *

Mary felt conflicted about the letter she had received. She could never think ill of Natasha, and while her brother with upset with her, he was still deeply in love. Mary's conflict came from Sonya's wishes towards her. Such an outright expression of platonic affection did not sit well with Mary. She gazed at the letter as if any moment it might come to life and bite her.

Mary did not trust Sonya. She did not know why. Something about the woman made her uneasy. Her heart quickened its pace upon seeing her. Often times she felt her face warm around her. Her stomach was in knots. Something inside of Mary was telling her not to trust Sonya. 

But at the same time, Mary had so few allowances for companionship. She hadn't truly had a friend beyond Andrei since they were children. She craved friendship! She craved human contact outside of her family. And there was no reason for her to refuse Sonya. So far as Mary knew, Sonya was loyal, sweet, and smart. 

Still Mary remained conflicted. Rereading the letter and reflecting on her conversations with Sonya gave her no relief or decision. 

"Mary! Andrei!" She could her the shouts of her father from a different part of the home. "Where is that insolent girl? Where is the damned boy?" He demanded. 

Mary gave a last longing look to the letter. From their conversations, Sonya had been sweet and loyal to her cousin. Mary needed a friend like that. Their thoughts on marriage and romance aside, perhaps they had something in common. Mary nodded to herself, thinking of what she could write to Sonya when she got the chance. She composed the letter in her head as she pretended to listen to the rambling speeches of her father. She wasn't frustrated with him or her situation for once. She just pushed her thoughts to happier things, like the potential of gaining a new friend. And that night, Mary sat down, lit a candle and wrote to Sonya.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a really good idea for one of the next chapters and this one ends on a bit of a cliffhanger (I think it's a little predictable tho lmao) but so I might update again soon if I have the time!

Sonya watched Marya as she shook off snow from her coat and hung it up in the hall. "I'm guessing there's no mail?" She inquired with a raised eyebrow. 

"With this weather, its surprising people have been able to venture outside at all!" Marya huffed, hugging her arms around herself. "It's positively dreadful!" She exclaimed, letting herself fall onto one of the chairs in the parlor. 

"I'm a bit disappointed." Sonya admitted. "I've been expecting to hear from Princess Mary soon, but now I suppose I'll have to wait till this storm ends." She looked away from her reading to the window. Just looking at the snowfall made her feel cold. The cascade of white snowflakes was scarcely broken by any speck of black or blue. But it was beautiful. 

Marya let out a huff as dramatically laid herself out on a chair. "I don't know if I care for that Mary. So plain! And not at all kind to our Natalya on her first visit." 

Sonya smacked Marya's knee lightly. "You cannot blame her for not trusting Natasha at first glance. Besides, she is currently one of Natalie's biggest supporters. Despite Natasha's mistake Mary still wishes her to be apart of their family. Not to mention-" Sonya was cut off by a rapping at the door. 

Marya groaned as if even the thought of company, which usually delighted her, was suddenly terribly burdensome. "Who on earth could that be in this storm?" 

Sonya smiled at the dramatic woman as she stood and went to answer the door. Her jaw dropped. "Princess Mary? You must be freezing! Come in, come in." She beckoned, pulling the princess into the parlor and helping her remove her coat. "What are doing, traveling out here in this weather?" She demanded. 

"I did tell you I'd pay you a visit to learn my fortune." Mary smiled. 

Marya jumped from her seat, her previous frustration disappeared with the appearance of the princess. "You poor thing, you sit by the fire, I'll go make tea." She said, rushing out of the room. 

"Truthfully, I couldn't stand to stay put another moment longer and when we left the storm hadn't started yet." Mary said in a hushed tone as Sonya led her to sit by the fire. 

"You couldn't stand to stay put?" Sonya questioned, sitting beside her. "Princess Mary, is everything alright?" Sonya asked, taking Mary's hands in her own. Her skin was cold to the touch and softer than Sonya thought they would be. 

Mary's eyes flew up to meet Sonya's and despite the cold she felt her face become warm. She quickly averted her gaze. "Father and Andrei have been arguing at every opportunity. I haven't been able to escape their screaming through the halls these past few days. So I had the opportunity to leave and I jumped." 

"What have they been arguing about?" Sonya asked curiously, moving closer to Mary and squeezing her hands lightly. 

Mary let her eyes rise to meet Sonya's. "I should not be telling you this. But despite every effort I've made, you are an agreeable and trustworthy person." A small smile crossed her face. 

Sonya felt a flush come to her cheeks and she lowered her gaze, releasing Mary's hands. "I'm honored." 

Mary closed her eyes, leaning towards the warmth of the fire. "If a room is too cold, they argue. If there is a visitor, they argue. God forbid either of them hear a word of engagement or marriage. Then it doesn't stop till father falls alseep." 

"I understand why you felt the need to escape." Sonya offered a small smile. "I believe I can speak for Marya when I say you are welcome to stay as long as you'd like." Sonya offered. She glanced back out the window. "And looking at the state of the weather, you may be stuck with us for a bit." She chuckled. 

"It will be a relief and a pleasure." Mary responded. 

Marya rushed into the room with a tray of tea. "I'm afraid you may be stuck here for a day or so, Princess." Marya said with a smile, putting the tray down and starting to serve drinks. "Unless you think you can bare it out there." She forced a laugh. 

Mary offered her a smile, accepting a cup of tea. "I'd be grateful to stay for a night or so. Until the storm clears up."

"We'd be grateful to have you." Marya returned the smile. 

Mary was uncertain of how she felt about Marya at the moment. They had never spoken at length about anything and Mary was naturally cautious. Yet Sonya and Natasha both seemed to trust and love the woman, so that was an endorsement of sorts. Over the course of the conversation, Mary drank her tea and felt all the cold leave her body. 

During a lull in the conversation, Sonya looked to Mary. "So…you'd like to see your future?" She questioned with a secretive smile. 

Mary felt her heart skip a beat with fear. She moved her hand up to clutch at the cross at her neck. She nodded silently. "I know this is a common thing, but never have I had a friend to show me." She said as Sonya led her to the bathroom. 

"There's nothing to be worried about." Sonya promised her. "You must remember that it is only a hint of what may be." Sonya walked about the room, setting up the mirrors. Finally she blew out all the lights in the room, save for one candle, which she gave to the startled Mary. 

"And what do I do?" Mary stared into the fire, almost entranced by the small flame at her fingertips. 

"Hold the candle right here." Sonya moved Mary's hand so she was holding the candle right. She moved to stand behind her and placed her hands gingerly on Mary's shoulders. "Now look into the mirror, at the long row of candles." Her voice was almost a whisper, as if she feared she would startle Mary or the spirits that granted them this glimpse. "In the dim last square you should see a shape, a coffin or a man." She sighed. "Everyone sees a man." She chuckled to herself. 

Mary's eyes strained as she searched for the shape in the darkness of the mirror. Then at last she saw the shadow. She took in a breath and she dropped the candle. The flame went out as it left her hand and Sonya and Mary were plunged into darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

Sonya gasped, eyes wide and trying to get used to the dark. She immediately reached out a hand to Mary's shoulder. "Mary, are you alright?" She asked, her breathing quick with fear.

Mary's face was a hard line. "Where is the door?" She asked, her voice soft and stern. 

Sonya moved her hand to grasp Mary's and slowly led her out of the dark bathroom. "Mary, you are pale as a sheet." She noted, moving to touch her cheek tenderly. "Are you feeling alright? Whatever did you see that could startle you so badly?" Sonya asked, pressing her hand to Mary's forehead to see if she was falling ill. 

"I saw nothing." Mary responded quickly. "I think I feel ill from the cold." She excused herself, brushing Sonya's hands off. "I'll be fine once I'm by a fire again." 

Sonya did not believe her for a moment. "Of course…we'll go back to the parlor and get you a blanket." She started leading her back to the parlor. "Then perhaps when you're feeling better, we'll try again." 

"No!" Mary said quickly. "I mean…I don't think we'll do so this trip. This first cold spell may be a bad omen." She forced a sheepish smile onto her face as she lowered herself onto the couch. 

Sonya sighed, grabbing a blanket from a closet and draping it over Mary's lap. She sat across the sofa from her. "I understand, Princess Mary. You saw something that startled you in the mirror. I saw something startling too. We will no longer speak of it." She smiled, patting Mary's knee. 

"What did you see?" Mary asked curiously. 

Sonya smiled. "Maybe I'll tell you later. After dinner perhaps." She said, not exactly ready to share her secret with the princess. Besides Sonya didn't even truly understand it herself, or rather she hadn't accepted it yet.

Mary was shaken by the image in the mirror. As ridiculous as it may have seemed, the image frightened her. Not because it was an omen of death or destruction, although that likely would've caused her unease as well. It was just something that Mary hadn't expected. And in such a bizarre and supernatural ritual, it frightened Mary more than it should have.

In the mirror stood the figure of a woman. Her darkened silhouette occupied Mary's mind. She had heard stories of women who had run off with other women. But that was not her. Mary only wanted a husband. She only wanted to escape and get away from her home. It then occurred to Mary that she had never truly felt any attachment to any suitor or even the idea of a suitor. She had no dream man, no tall handsome soldier that she desired. She never felt any attraction to the men that visited, only attraction to the potential they offered. Mary had never even thought of being attracted to a woman before. And she was determined to never think of it again. 

It was a foolish thought. Only a shadow in the mirror, not a vision of the future. There was nothing in Mary's future, no man or woman as long as her father lives. She was alone. As she always had been. The mirror didn’t change her thoughts or sway her from what she knew she must do.

“The spirits are often fickle.” Sonya mused, leaning back into the sofa. “They’ll show you things you had never thought about.” 

”Do they ever lie?” Mary asked softly, her knuckles pale from holding the arm of the chair in her stress. 

”I don’t know.” Sonya admitted. “Maybe they can, although I don’t think I’ve ever seen it.” 

Mary believed in spirits, but she didn’t want to believe what they tried to tell her. Even if they were right and they were telling the truth it didn’t mean anything. Mary would never act on her attraction. She wouldn’t do that even if it was a man she was attracted to. So as startling as the image was, it wasn’t one she needed to worry herself about.

Marya entered the room and announced that dinner was ready, leading Mary and Sonya into the dining room. Natasha made a brief appearance where she ate little and spoke even less. Then soon enough Marya collected the plates and informed them that she prepared one of the guest rooms for Mary. 

”I’m afraid we don’t have any extra clothes for you-“ 

”Don’t be silly Marya, she can borrow mine.” Sonya smiled at Mary. “It may not be a perfect fit, but it should be fine.”

Sonya led Mary to the guest room and brought a night gown to her after she changed into her own. Mary hurried behind the dressing screen and started changing. “Thank you so much Sonya.” She said, pulling the gown over her head. “I cannot begin to thank you and Marya for your hospitality.” She said, emerging from behind the screen. 

Sonya walked over and squeezed her hands gently. “Think nothing of it.” She smiled. “I’m glad that the gown fits well enough.”

“It fits very well, thank you very much.” Mary smiled, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “This is a lovely house.” She said softly. “Not only is it beautiful but it’s filled with kind people and there is peace and quiet.” 

”I’m glad you’re happy here.” Sonya let out a soft chuckle. “Although I am sorry that you saw the negative image in the mirror. I’m not sure what it was, but it really seemed to startle you.” She said sympathetically. “I’ll admit, my vision wasn’t the most comforting either. But I have trust that things will turn out alright.” 

”I do too.” Mary responded. “My vision wasn’t…frightening. Although it was unusual. Just something I need to figure out myself, I suppose.” Mary said. 

Sonya nodded. “Well, Princess Mary, I’m going to retire for the night. If you need anything, I’m down the hall to the right.” 

”Thank you again for everything Sonya. Goodnight.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another new chap! Hope you guys enjoy! If you do let me know :D

Mary’s head was filled with the image of the woman in the mirror and the implications of seeing such a thing. She tossed and turned through much of the night, strange dreams unleashed by this vision. 

The next morning, Mary heard a knock on the door, soft but insistent. She lifted her head, remembering where she was. She quickly stood, grabbing the borrowed robe and rushing to the door. “Yes?” She said, opening the door. 

”Good morning Princess Mary.” Sonya greeted, with a smile that to Mary seemed contrary to the hour. “I came to fetch you for breakfast.” 

”Oh! Right, one moment. I’ll just go change quickly.” Mary said, rushing to grab her clothes from the previous day and change behind the screen. “Sonya…” Mary said slowly, as she started changing. “Last night, I had the strangest dream.” She mused. 

”Oh really? What was it about?” Sonya asked, lowering herself into a chair by the changing screen. 

”Well…it was very strange.” Mary began. “I was dressed in the garb of a soldier, with a sword hanging by my side and a pot of honey.” She began. 

”And what was the honey for?” Sonya responded curiously. 

”Truth be told, I don’t know if it had a purpose.” Mary responded, glancing at her reflection. “And then there was…you. But you were very different. You dressed much more…” Mary made a series of gestures as she stepped out from behind the screen. “Provocatively than you do. A…red dress with lace. Far too short for any respectable young woman.” 

”What is your dream trying to say about me?” Sonya asked amused, rising from her seat. 

“I’m not sure…” Mary responded. “But so the main event of the dream was that you wanted my honey.” 

”Did you give it to me?” Sonya asked curiously. 

Mary swallowed and felt her face begin to flush. “Er…yes.” She nodded slowly. “Eventually.”

Sonya looked at her with confusion, not understanding why such a simple question could provoke such embarrassment. The thought crossed her mind that perhaps Mary’s dream was less than innocent, but the idea was so ridiculous she brushed it off immediately.

* * *

After the girls ate breakfast, Sonya and Mary went to visit with Natasha. She was well enough to sit up and she chatted animatedly with them.

It was this moment where Mary decided she would solve her silent problem. Natasha was one of the most beautiful women in all of Russia, and yet looking at her Mary felt nothing. There was no attraction, no fluttering heart or twisting stomach or weak knees. It was clear to her that if she felt nothing towards Natasha, she clearly had no interest in women. 

Relief flooded Mary’s system and she smiled, tuning back into the conversation. Everything was fine now. The image in the mirror was a lie. Because she knew that if she wasn’t attracted to Natasha, she wouldn’t be attracted to any woman.

Soon enough Natasha had grown weary and requested that the girls leave her to rest. Sonya and Mary obliged, walking to the parlor to look out the windows. 

”It’s truly beautiful.” Sonya mused. “Though…I’m sorry you have to wait here with us.” She glanced back at Mary. 

Mary approached the window, watching the snowflakes with the same fascination that Sonya had. “It is beautiful.” She nodded quietly, her hand reaching up to brush over her cross pendant. “And don’t apologize. This place is so relaxing and peaceful, I’m glad to be spending my nights here. Though hopefully Andrei and father dont kill each other before I get home.” She chuckled.

Sonya smiled slightly, looking over at her. “It sounds like it’s normally rough over there. Mary, if you ever need a place to stay…” 

”Thank you.” Mary said, not removing her gaze from the storm. “I mean it.” 

”Of course.” Sonya responded. She glanced down at Mary’s hand, suddenly struck by a strong inexplicable desire to take it in her own. “Princess Mary, I hope I’m not overstepping a boundary when I say I’ve come to consider you a friend.” Sonya admitted, looking down at her hands, seemingly flustered. 

Mary turned and smiled, a wide genuine smile that Sonya had never witnessed before. Her whole face lit up and she was absolutely beautiful. “Few things would make me happier.” She admitted, pulling Sonya into a quick and tight embrace. 

Sonya’s face grew more flustered and she could feel her heart begin to race. “I’m glad.” She said, hugging her back. Sonya knew she would do anything to see Mary smile like that at every opportunity. Then the pair separated and Sonya felt as cold as if she were standing out in the storm. She attributed that to being starved for affection. Marya was never the most affectionate woman, and Natasha was ill, so it became increasingly rare that Sonya receive a hug or other act that indicated fondness. Not to mention the fact that she hadn’t been expecting it. That was why her heart beat so fast and she suddenly felt so cold and empty. 

And Mary attributed the same symptoms to her own starvation for physical affection. Andrei never did much save for the occasional awkward hug, and Mary had never had friends or sisters that may show her affection. So she attributed her weak knees and flipping stomach to the sudden influx of affection. 

The women stood in silence for a moment, just staring as the snowflakes hit the window or the ground. Sonya felt the odd urge to reach out and take Mary’s hand in hers, but she resisted for the moment.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry it’s been a while. I’m in College now so…yeah

Mary stayed for another day of peace and bliss before the storm had calmed down and she was obligated to return to her own home. She bid Marya a polite goodbye, and Natasha a find one, but when she came across Sonya, Mary had an oddly difficult task. 

Sonya could sense her hesitation and grabbed hold of her arms. “Don’t be worried Mary.” She soothed her in a hushed tone. “I will visit you soon, my friend. Perhaps we can find an outing, an opera or a ball to go to together.” She smiled. “We’ll still be friends when you leave.” She promised. 

Mary laughed at herself. “I know, I know. It’s foolish of me to be so…sad at the thought of leaving. These past few days have truly been wonderful though.” She addresses Marya again. “Thank you once more for your hospitality.” She turned back to Sonya and quickly pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, Sonya. Write soon.” She whispered. And in a moment she was gone out the door. 

Sonya followed behind, gazing out the window after Mary. The snow was looked to be more powder than it was ice. The snow seemed to swirl around Mary through some sort of magic force. Looking at her, Sonya felt she was looking at an angel. Mary turned her head, looking back at the house, and although Sonya knew it was impossible, she felt their eyes meet. She turned from the window and felt her face flush. She moved to a seat and fell back into it. Her heart was beating wildly, at a pace she didn’t understand. 

After spending a moment more downstairs with Marya, Sonya excused herself to her room. She needed a way to work through what she was feeling. She sat down at her desk and pull out a piece of parchement and a pen. “Dear Mary, it has only been minutes and yet I miss you terribly.” She began writing. “How quickly you’ve come to mean so much to me. And how easy it is to forget I haven’t known you all my life! It seems as though I’ve known you for a lifetime.” 

* * *

Mary sat in the troika, sorrow coloring her face. She silently wished the weather had never improved. She wished she could have stayed in the peaceful house forever. She wished she could have stayed with Sonya forever.

The thought of Sonya made her smile. Sonya was the best friend that Mary could ask for. She was kind and sympathetic and beautiful. She was oh so beautiful. Perhaps she wasn’t beautiful like Natasha, but there was something about her that was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. Maybe it was her smile or the soft warmth of her hands holding onto Mary’s or maybe it was the way she almost seemed to glow when she laughed. Mary doubted that there were many women that could compare to Sonya. Not in Moscow, all of Russia, or the world. Sonya was special. 

Even though Mary dreaded the thought of returning home after days in paradise, she walked in with a small smile on her face, thinking of Sonya. The smile was immediately ripped away as she heard shouting coming from another room.

Normally Mary would try to avoid the conflict and stay away from the frustration, but today she felt bolder. She stormed through the halls until she reached the dining room, where her father and brother sat at opposite ends of the table, hurling thinly veiled insults at one another. They were so caught up in their bickering, they hadn’t noticed her come in. Her face twisted into a frown as she approached the table. 

Still their focus was only on each other. Mary banged her fist on the table. Both men looked up at her shocked. “It seems my worst fears are true. I cannot leave you two for a moment lest you fall into meaningless bickering!” They tried to stutter out their excuses, but Mary shook her head. “No! How low have you fallen to treat your father this way?” She glared pointedly at Andre. The moment her father felt a hint of vindication, she turned. “And you treat your son this way?” She said. “And that you both are so willing to put me in the middle of the situation! It’s not fair, and it’s not right!” Mary exclaimed. 

She took a deep breath and turned. She glanced over her shoulder. “I’m going to my room to freshen up. When I return I expect apologies.” She turned back towards the door, and walked slowly. The adrenaline was draining out of her body, leaving her fatigued, and a little shocked by her own actions. She had never thought she’d be one to say something close to that. She felt braver and more confident than she had felt since she was a child. She was giddy and light headed, and she felt that somehow, she could attribute some of this to Sonya. 

* * *

Sonya had been writing and scrapping for the past half hour. No thought felt completely enough. Nothing she said was able to accurately describe how overjoyed she was to have a friend like Mary in her life. She had so few good friends, and Mary was unique. There was something about their friendship that was just different from the others. Some unsung fact that they hid, but couldn’t quite deny. Sonya put down her pen and sighed. She had figured nothing out.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like…really gay

“Dear Princess Mary, it has only been a fortnight since I saw you last, and yet it feels like it’s been an eternity. I’d almost say it’s strange just how much I miss you. Like you are my best friend from childhood. I must admit I am a bit worried since I haven’t heard from you. Natasha is doing well. She has begun to walk herself around the house. She and Marya both agree the house feels a little emptier with you gone. I feel a little colder now that you’re not around. I cherish your friendship so deeply. Why have you withdrawn? Write back soon, come visit or let me visit you. Your friend, Sonya.” 

Mary felt guilt wash over her. She wrote the drafts in her head, yet when she sat down to write nothing came out. She had been busy during the days. Taking care of her father and brother. Tending to their wounded egos after arguments. Cleaning up their messes and apologizing to their visitors. 

”My dearest Sonya, words cannot express the guilt I feel and not responding sooner. Every time I sat down to write, nothing felt right. Father and Andrei have been keeping me busy. They are foolish children and they are driving me to madness! If I hear one more ugly word said above a whisper I believe I may leave and never return. I hope I have not made you feel neglected. Your friendship is something I truly treasure and if I lose it I will truly go insane. I’ve read your letters again and again, they’re one of the few things that really bring me joy. I cannot wait to see you again, my dearest friend. Come visit us and save me from this insanity. Fondly yours, Mary.” 

Sonya traced her fingers over Mary’s name. She smiled slightly and laughed softly. She was very glad Mary had not forgotten her. She pulled her knees up to her chest. She felt bad for Mary. But she was glad to know she was safe. She brought the letter up to her face. It smelled like vanilla and lavender. It smelled like Mary.

Sonya couldn't help the smile on her face. She read the letter over and over again, imagining that Mary was saying all of it to her. If she closed her eyes, she could see her face so vividly. A blush on her cheeks, looking up from underneath her eyelashes, her lips pursed in frustration. Sonya felt her face grow red. She touched her cheek, surprised by how flustered she had gotten simply by thinking of her friend. Her heart began to beat a little faster. She saw Mary in her nightgown. It was too long for her, but Sonya thought she looked beautiful. The fabric was thick and soft, yet her neck and upper chest was bare.

Sonya took in a deep breath. She opened her eyes and came to a realization that shook her to her core. Sonya did not know what love felt like. She had only ever heard stories, but somewhere deep inside her she knew. She was in love with Mary.

* * *

“Princess Mary! There is someone here to see you.” A maid called through the hall.

”Oh, who could that be?” Mary let it out a sigh, putting down the needlework she had been working on. She took her skirts in her hand and hurried down the hall, almost afraid someone was coming to challenge Andre to a duel. When she arrived in the front hall, she dropped her skirts and a wide smile came across her face. “Sonya!” She exclaimed, rushing forward to her friend. 

Sonya met her along the way and the girls embraced, cheerfully. “Mary,” Sonya grinned. “I must tell you I was growing worried. I thought they may have driven you mad.” She said softly, with a small smile on her face. 

”Very nearly, and growing closer everyday.” Mary responded, her grip on Sonya tightening. 

Sonya was glad her cheeks were red from the cold, because if they hadn’t been they would have grown red at the extended embrace. She pulled away slightly. 

”Oh! Let’s get you out of that coat.” Mary said, moving to remove Sonya’s coat. She handed it off to the maid, unaware that Sonya’s heart had begun to race. “Your dress is so lovely!” 

”I thought it best to dress nicely to visit you, in case your father was around.” Sonya excused herself, avoiding Mary’s gaze. 

”We will try to avoid him.” Mary chuckled, taking Sonya’s hands in hers. “You’re freezing, come, I’ll show you to the fire.” She smiled, keeping one of Sonya’s hands firmly in hers as she led her through the halls. 

Sonya felt her heart ache painfully. She knew she had to tell Mary. At least about her vision in the mirror, but she was worried she would lose her friend. She was terrified. But she knew…she had to tell her.

Mary pulled Sonya down onto a sofa in front of a blazing fire. She smiled. “There, isn’t that better?” Sonya nodded, her mouth dry. Mary seemed to notice her nervousness. She scooted closer to her friend. “Sonya, is everything okay?” 

Sonya glanced around the room anxiously. “There is something I feel I have to tell you.” She said, quickly. “But I’m afraid you may not want to be my friend once I do.” She looked down at her hands. 

Mary immediately took one of Sonya’s hands in her own. “Sonya…” She smiled sadly. “You are my closest friend. There is very little you can say that will change that.” 

”Then…” Sonya looked at their hands and for a moment, she saw a future where Mary could love her back. She saw a future where they ran off to the country and lived in a cottage. Maybe they’d even take in an orphan once they grew older. She could see it so clearly. She closed her eyes, trying to push the idea out of her mind. She knew it wouldn’t happen. “I have to tell you about what I saw in the mirror.” She pulled her hands from Mary’s.

Mary shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “What could be so bad that you’re worried I won’t like you anymore?” She had an idea and the thought frightened her. 

”When I looked in the mirror, I told Natasha I saw a man, but I didn’t.” She said softly. “I…saw a woman.” 

Mary looked away. “And you don’t think it was a mistake?” 

Sonya looked down, shaking her head. “No…I don’t think so.” She responded softly. Her voice wavered, and tears began to brim in her eyes. “Mary…” 

Mary wanted to tell her to leave. She wanted to tell her they couldn’t be friends any longer. She wanted to save herself. But she couldn’t. She also wanted to tell Sonya that she saw a woman as well. She wanted to tell her that she could never tell her anything bad. She wanted to tell her that everything was alright. 

Sonya was taken by surprise when Mary wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a hug. “Sonya…I don’t know what to tell you.” Mary said truthfully. “But you’re my friend, and I don’t want to say goodbye.” 

A smile took over Sonya’s face. She buried her face into Mary’s shoulder, hiding her tears. Her heart had never been quite so full before. Even though Mary probably didn’t feel the same way, she accepted her and cared for her. And that was more than she expected and more than she felt she deserved. “Thank you.” 

Mary pulled away to look at Sonya. She wiped tears from her friend’s cheek. “You have nothing to thank me for.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving y’all! Hope you enjoy!

“Sonya, I’m truly touched that you felt comfortable enough to tell me.” Mary said softly, pulling out of the hug, and entwining her fingers in Sonya’s. “If…if it were me…I would not have been so brave. To face the possibility of that rejection. That means you are incredibly brave, or you had greater faith in me than I would have had.” 

Sonya shook her head. “You haven’t given me a reason not to have faith in you.” She looked down at their hands. “Truthfully I’m more afraid of saying anything to Natasha. I don’t think she’d understand.” She chuckled softly.

”But Natasha is your dear cousin.” Mary said softly, running her fingers over the back of her hands. “Surely she would love you regardless.” 

”You would hope.” Sonya smiled slightly. “I would hope they all would love me regardless. But we know that is not always the way.” She glanced away from Mary. 

“Yes. I suppose so.” Mary frowned slightly. “I’m sorry Sonya. I suppose when we first met and I said you didn’t understand what it’s like to be forbidden from loving…I was wrong.” Mary wanted to bring her hand to her lips. She wanted to bring her comfort, but she didn’t know how. 

Sonya smiled sadly. “Don’t be silly.” She reached up to touch Mary’s cheek. “One day you will find a man, handsome and kind, and he will fall so deeply in love with you that not even your father will be able to keep him from marrying you.” Mary leaned into her touch slightly. “And as for myself, you need not worry. I think I will be happy just loving myself. Perhaps I will find a husband that finds more pleasure in company of his own sort. Or one who doesn’t care for company at all.” She smiled slightly, her hand falling from Mary’s face. “Or ideally I’ll be able to go without marrying. Live on my own in a little cottage out in the country.” The idea made a smile grow across her face. 

Mary watched her, and the smile on Sonya’s face quickly spread to her own. “I would do anything to get that.” She said softly. “For you.” She added quickly, her eyes widening slightly. 

”Thank you, Mary.” Sonya looked at her with so much fondness and affection in her eyes. “You don’t know what it means to me to have a friend like you.” She pulled her into another hug. 

Mary let her eyes fall shut, savoring the moment, trying to put it to memory. In that moment she knew without a doubt, she was irrevocably in love with Sonya. She wanted to tell her, but she was so afraid. “Sonya, I-“

”Mary?” Andrei called. “Mary?” He entered the room and a smile crossed his face. “Oh, sorry Mary, I didn’t know you had a friend over. Hello Sonya.” Andrei greeted. 

Mary and Sonya reluctantly pulled apart. Sonya smiled up at Andrei. “Hello Prince Andrei. How are you today?” 

”I am well. How are you? How is Natasha?” He asked. 

”I am well.” Sonya nodded, though she knew that wasn’t what he cared for. “Natasha is still not quite herself, but she is up and about. She smiles and laughs, less so than usual, but it’s there where it wasn’t before. I think she’d like to see you again.” 

”I would like to see her again too.” Andrei said softly with a nod. After a moment of silence he spoke again. “I was just about to ask Mary if she wanted to go see the opera tonight. Perhaps you’d like to join us?” He offered with a smile. 

”If Mary does not mind, I’d be happy to join.” Sonya glanced at her friend. 

“Nothing would make me happier.” Mary proclaimed, taking hold of Sonya’s hands and squeezing them. 

“Perfect.” Andrei clapped. “Sonya, we will pick you up at seven.” 

”Wonderful.” Sonya agreed, standing. “I should go tell Marya and then start to get ready.” She squeezed Mary’s hands. “I’ll see you soon.” She smiled, releasing her hands before she headed to the door. 

As soon as the door closed, Mary turned to her brother. “Andrei, I believe I am in terrible trouble.” She said softly. 

”What’s wrong?” Andrei asked, concern coloring his face as he moved to sit beside her. 

”Andrei, I’m afraid I’m…in love.” She said slowly. 

Andrei chuckled. “Mary, that’s hardly much trouble. Unless it’s that same bad man that stole my fiancée from me. Then there will be trouble.” 

”No, no, not at all.” Mary shook her head quickly. “I feel like it may be worse.” 

”Another married man?” 

”I wish it was.” Mary said softly. “Andrei, I’m in love with Sonya.” She said, looking at her brother with desperation. 

”Oh.” Andrei said softly. “Oh, Mary, I’m sorry.” 

”I think…I think she could love me too. But I’m afraid. What could we even do?” She asked. 

”I don’t know if there is anything you could do.” Andrei said. “Except marry clueless men. It would be easier if you were men. You could live together in a perpetual state of bachelor.” 

”Surely, you must know some men who are more interested in their own company? Some men from the army?” She asked. “Just as a backup.” She added quickly. “I hope that we may be able to run off together to a cottage in the country.” She smiled slightly at the thought. 

“And how would you live?” Andrei raised an eyebrow. “What would you do to pay for your food?” 

”I’m not sure yet.” Mary admitted. “I can sew and weave and embroider. I could sneak some funds away from father to begin.” 

”Mary, you must think it through more before you make any declarations of love.” He stood. “I’m going to prepare for the opera. I recommend you do the same.” 

Mary nodded, but her mind was set. She hurried to her room, but instead of dressing, she rushed to her desk, taking her pen in hand and starting to write. “Sonya, I am a coward. If I weren’t I would have told I saw a woman in the mirror weeks ago. I would have told you I loved you when you sat beside me and told me your own visions.” She wrote until she had to start dressing. Then she shoved the letter in a pocket of her dress.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More gay shit. Hooray! If you enjoy, let me know that you do! Thanks for reading!

Sonya prepared herself for the opera. She smiled at her appearance in the mirror. She thought of Mary’s acceptance and her smile grew wider than it had been before. Even if Mary didn’t love her the way she loved her, keeping her friendship was a gift in its own way.

Before the carriage arrived she wished Natasha and Marya well. She kissed Natasha on the cheek. She answered the door and saw Mary’s smiling face. She felt a pang in her heart, but she returned the smile regardless.

They got into the carriage, sitting side by side, Andrei facing them with a smile on his face. “Sonya, you look lovely.” He offered as the carriage took off. 

”Thank you.” Sonya nodded, shifting her coat somewhat. She glanced out the window. “It’s still so cold out, isn’t it?” She placed her hand on the seat, inadvertently brushing Mary’s fingers. She almost jerked her hand away, but decided not to so Andrei would not be suspicious. 

”Dreadfully so.” Mary agreed, her eyes locked on the snowy fields as her hand slipped over Sonya’s. She delicately took her gloves fingers in her own, feeling her heart beat violently in her chest. 

Sonya felt warmth spread through her face and came to the conclusion that even if she jumped out of the carriage into the snow, her face would still feel like she was burning. She glanced up at Mary with a silent question, but her friend’s only response was a warm, friendly smile. Sonya felt an ache in her chest. Mary probably didn’t even realize the affect this small affection was having on her. 

Soon they arrived at the opera. They stood in line to check their coats. Sonya was enraptured. Mary was dressed less conservatively than usual. A long black dress with short sleeves, hanging off her shoulders, silk gloves clung to her hands and a golden cross lay against her chest. 

Mary could not help herself from watching Sonya as she slid her coat off to reveal pale shoulders. She wore a light blue dress, long and beautiful with short gloves with lace around the wrists. She looked like an angel and for a moment Mary just basked in her light. Then Andre had checked his coat and they headed to their box. 

As they walked to the box, Mary could hear the whispers at their backs. “Andrei and Sonya?” The scandalized whispers proclaimed. “Have neither of them any decency? Neither betrothed nor married and they come out here together!” Mary had a great desire to hush all the whispers. She had to stop herself from reaching out and taking Sonya’s hand in her own. 

”Can you believe they think you’re with Andrei?” Mary asked softly. 

Sonya forced a smile onto her face. “It is not the worst thing I’ve heard them say.” 

They arrived at their box, Mary seared in between Sonya and Andrei. The whispers soon turned to other guests, yet their box remained in a state of silence, halfway between comfortable and uncomfortable. Mary reached into her pocket and felt the letter she had written. She would wait until the lights fell to give it to her friend. But Andrei wandered off and gave Mary the opportunity. 

She snuck the paper out of her pocket and slipped it onto Sonya’s lap. Sonya began to ask what it was, but Mary cut her off before she could speak. “Read it once you’ve returned home. It is…a bit of a secret.” Mary glanced away, trying to will her face to keep its normal hue. 

Sonya looked at the folded piece of paper now in her hand. She placed it into her reticule by her side. She only allowed herself to wonder at the contents for a moment before she shooed the thoughts away. They were mere fantasies. She hadn’t the time to consider them. Not when Andrei was returning and the curtains were rising. 

Mary’s heart was pounding, but she wasn’t sure if it was from the letter and what may happen or if it was the thrill of the opera. The fantastical sets and costumes on handsome actors and actresses, the voices so loud it felt like they were coming from right beside her. The spectacle and glamour of it all. But most of all, the plot. The forbidden love and torrid affairs weighed heavily on her mind and heart and she could not help the tear that slipped down her cheek as she shouted out with the rest of the crowd, “Bravo!” 

The hours had passed as seconds as Mary, Sonya, and Andrei climbed into the carriage. Even though Mary knew Sonya hadn’t yet read the letter, she felt as though things had underwent a drastic change between them. They soon arrived at Marya’s house, and Mary was hesitant to say goodbye. She grabbed her friend’s hand as she opened the carriage door. “Write to me soon, Sonya. Tell me when I may see you again.” She smiled. 

Sonya felt like to be the target of that smile was to be sunbathing. She nodded. “Come visit me soon.” She squeezed Mary’s hand before she departed. 

Sonya hurried through the cold to her door. Once inside, she quickly removed her jacket and sat by the fire for a moment. She pulled Mary’s letter out of the reticule and examined it for a second. She quickly hid it away again, as she heard Marya approaching. 

”Sofia, my darling, how was the opera?” Marya asked, taking Sonya by the arm and touching her cheek. 

”Very nice.” Sonya nodded. “I believe this one may be my favorite as of yet. Forbidden love and grand costumes, it was all very romantic.” She said softly, her mind drifting back to the image of Mary shedding her coat and revealing her arms and neck. She glanced back up at Marya. “I believe I will sit by the fire for a moment before I prepare for bed.” She said. 

”Very well.” Marya nodded. She touched her cheek once more. “I shall be in bed. Get someone to put out the fire before you go up.” 

Sonya nodded and watched as the woman left the room. She pulled the letter out once more. She traced her name on the paper before she finally got up the courage to open it. “Sonya, I am a coward…” Her mouth dropped open.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it’s been a while, and this chapter is a little short, but it’s a nice chapter so yeah. I just haven’t had as much inspiration for this one lately, so I am sorry.  
> Anyways hope you enjoy! I’ll definitely update again by next month!

Sonya read the letter so many times the words practically lost all meaning. She read it so many times that the words had become imprinted on her heart. She knew she’d be able to recite it word by word. Sonya did not know how she felt. In another time, another place, all she would be feeling would be joy, but not here, not now. Unrequited love, for Sonya, was not easy but it was safe. This…knowing her feelings were returned. This was incredibly dangerous. 

Yet even with the fear, she felt something equally dangerous. A surge of hope, of joy, of affection. Because Mary loves her. That was a gift. It was incredible. Sonya was in love with someone that loved her back. Love had never been so important to her, but now she had it. She had to see her. She had to talk to Mary.

* * *

Mary’s heart raced through the day. She waited by the door. She pretended she was doing things, but really she was just watching out the window and waiting for Sonya. She knew she would come. She had to. Mary didn’t know what she would do if she didn’t come. She paced back in forth, her heart in her throat for hours at a time. Andrei wasn’t home and her father didn’t care.

She waited for hours. She sat on a couch by the door, her heart dropping. She was afraid. Perhaps Sonya didn’t care for her in the same way. Just because they both saw women in the mirror didn’t mean Sonya felt the same way towards her. Mary worried that she may have made a horrible mistake. She may have just lost her best friend. Her only friend. Her heart ached with a new ferocity that it hadn’t had before. 

”Princess? Sofia Alexandrovna Rostova is here for you.” 

Mary was on her feet in an instant, her heart soaring in her chest as she clutched her shawl close to her chest. “Let her in.” She said, her eyes wide. Her heart pounded against her chest so rough and fast, Mary was certain she was going to explode. 

The servant did as she was told, and brought Sonya to the room where Mary was standing, her hand on her chest. For a moment they only stared at each other, each hearing their hearts in their ears, each terrified and anxious and overjoyed. 

Mary cleared her throat, averting her gaze. “So…you’ve read my letter, I assume?” She asked, a small nervous smile touching her lips. 

Sonya offered back a nervous smile of her own. “Yes.” She let out a breath, stepping closer. “Mary, you know I-we…can’t.” She said softly. “I want to. More than anything. But we can’t.” 

Mary dropped her eyes. She glanced around. “Let’s go somewhere more private.” She said softly, taking Sonya’s hand and pulling her upstairs. She pulled her into her room and closed the door behind her. “I know, it won’t be easy. But I’ve been thinking. There has to be some way for us to be happy.” Mary said, reaching up and cupping Sonya’s cheek. “Don’t we deserve that? Don’t we deserve a bit of happiness?” 

Sonya leaned into Mary’s touch, letting her eyes fall shut. “We do. But Mary-“ 

Mary leaned in and pressed her lips against Sonya’s, soft and sweet and wonderful. Sonya let out a soft gasp in surprise. She had never kissed anyone before. And she knew neither had Mary. Mary brought her other hand up to Sonya’s face, before she pulled away slightly, searching her face. “We’ll think of something.” She said softly. “Even if that something is finding two of the stupidest men in Russia to marry so we may see each other whenever we please.” 

Sonya let out a soft laugh. “We could try and find two men in our predicament.” 

”See.” Mary smiled, running her thumb over Sonya’s cheeks. “We have two passable solutions already.” 

”I never thought…” Sonya smiled. “Even when I read your letter, I never imagined…” She let out a snorting laugh. “I never saw you as the rebellious type.” 

”I can be quite rebellious.” Mary said, raising an eyebrow. “Just the other day I told Andrei I may begin stealing from father to make an escape.” 

Sonya gasped dramatically. “Why Princess! Never did I believe you’d stoop so low as to crime!” 

”Technically, this is a crime.” Mary said softly, pulling Sonya to her, and kissing her again. “And it is one, I plan to commit repeatedly.” She murmured against Sonya’s lips. Her hands slipped from her face and she moved them to rest at Sonya’s waist. 

Sonya was dizzy and ecstatic. She wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling her closer. Then Sonya pulled away slightly, burying her face in her neck. “I can’t stay for long.” She said softly. “I’m supposed to be at the store for Marya.” She let out a soft chuckle, her breath tickling Mary’s skin.

”Then I won’t keep you.” Mary said, pressing a kiss to the side of Sonya’s head. “Promise you’ll come see me soon?” She asked. 

”Of course.” Sonya said with a smile. “We’ll come up with more plans.” She pulled away to press a quick kiss to Mary’s lips. 

”Next week?” Mary asked. 

”Next week.” Sonya agreed, and Mary walked her back to the front door. 

“Write to me.” Mary smiled. 

”Of course.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short, but it was already late and I wanted to get something up.  
> Hope it’s alright and if it is, let me know!

“Marya?” Sonya called as she returned to the house. “Marya, I have the groceries you requested.” 

”Thank you so much, Sonya, my darling.” Marya grinned, gliding into the hall and plucking the parcels from Sonya. 

”Marya, I had a bit of a strange question to ask you.” Sonya said, following the woman to the kitchen. 

”Ask away, my dearest. All of my knowledge of Moscow and the social circles is at your disposal.” Marya hummed, beginning to stow things away. 

“Have you ever met any…women who refused to marry?” Sonya asked, curiously. 

”Yes, there are a few foolish women who believe they can survive without help. There are some that are foolishly clever enough to succeed.” Marya said the words as if imparting a secret that Sonya wasn’t ready for. 

”What do you mean?” Sonya asked. 

“Women that left in groups or pairs to live alone together, women that dress themselves up as men to work. Those few successful artists and poets.” Marya responded, gesturing wildly about the kitchen. She turned her suspicious gaze into Sonya. “Why the sudden interest, darling?” The pet name was sickeningly sweet with a layer of understanding that frightened Sonya. 

”I am unsure if I wish to marry.” Sonya said softly, avoiding Marya’s penetrating gaze. 

”I see.” Marya said dryly. 

“I-I hear Natasha and the other women discuss their desires for a husband. Their loves for them and how they wish to kissed and held and…I do not wish to be kissed or held by a husband.” She rambled. “I’d much prefer to live on my own or…or with a friend.” Her voice became softer. 

“Oh.” Was all Marya said for a moment. She was silent for too long and Sonya felt fear wash over her and sink into her chest. 

”Oh?” Sonya asked, nerves shaking her voice. “Marya, please say something else.” She pleaded, reaching out for the older woman desperately. 

“Hush now, Sonya.” Marya shushed her softly. “I am thinking darling, I am thinking.” She cupped Sonya’s face, kissing her forehead. “I will help you in whatever way I can, but I must think on it.” She assured her, pulling Sonya into a warm embrace. 

”Thank you, Marya.” Sonya responded softly. “Thank you.” 

”I must ask though.” Marya pulled away, looking at Sonya with curiousity burning behind her eyes. “Do you have a…friend in mind?” 

Sonya felt her face flush considerably as she attempted to avoid the gaze of the matron. “Yes.” She said hesitantly. 

”And is she worthy of you?” Marya asked with a raised eyebrow. 

”It’s Princess Mary.” Sonya said softly. “We…she just…I visited her before I went for groceries.” She said in a hushed tone, her eyes sparkling with joy. “We are quite fond of one another.” She looked down, a warm smile on her face. 

Marya couldn’t help but smile along with Sonya. “Mary is a wonderful girl. I’m sure we can come up with something.” Marya assured her softly.

Sonya felt tears beginning to prick at the corners of her eyes. She smiled softly up at Marya. “Thank you again. You are too kind to me.” 

”You are too kind to everyone else.” Marya admonished. “Be kinder to yourself. Allow yourself this kindness.” 

* * *

Mary didn’t care anymore. She didn’t care what her father said to her. She didn’t care about the arguments. She tuned out her brother and her father, humming love songs to herself. Even if everything went wrong tomorrow, Mary didn’t care. She was more than happy today, she was ecstatic.

Mary was in love with someone who loved her back, with someone beautiful and kind. She was in love with her best friend. And somehow she knew that they would be alright. They would find a way to be happy together. They deserved a happy ending, and they would get it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the next chap will probs be the last one so yeah. Hope you enjoy!

“Pierre, old friend, I know my family has asked so much of you lately.” Marya began pacing around his study. “But a problem has arisen and I do not know who else to speak to.” 

”Is Natasha alright?” Pierre asked, concern creasing his brow as he watched Marya. 

”It is Sonya this time. Although she is in love with someone she shouldn’t be, much like Natalya was.” Marya shook her head, a hand to her face and a sad smile present there. 

”Who does she love? Another married man?” Pierre asked, letting out a sigh. 

”Princess Mary Bolkonski.” Marya said softly, coming to stand in front of Pierre’s desk. 

Pierre’s brow furrowed in confusion before he let out an “oh” as if it were a breath. “And Princess Mary-“ 

”Feels the same, yes.” Marya nodded. Pierre sat in silence for a moment, thought evident on his face. “I know you have helped people like this before.” Marya said softly. “Please help. Sonya is the gentlest, kindest soul I know. She deserves love, Pierre. We all do, don’t we?” She cracked a small smile, lowering herself to be at eye level. 

“Marya…I have aged. I do not know men of…that caliber anymore. Most are gone away or married off to some heinous old hag.” Pierre shook his head slightly. “I do not know what I could do to assist.” 

Marya let out a sigh. “Is there any advice you may give?” 

”Tell them to cherish one another. To love each other without fear and love each other recklessly.” Pierre said, taking Marya’s hands in his. “And give them these.” His voice was soft as he handed over one hundred ruples. “There is not much I can do, but I can do this.” 

Marya smiled at her friend. “Thank you, Pierre, you are a kind man.” She stood, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “I shall let you know what occurs.” She held the money close to her chest. “If you have any ideas…be sure to tell me.” Pierre nodded as Marya left the room, and he let out a soft sigh of his own. Those poor girls, he hoped happiness would come to them.

* * *

Marya returned to the house, a somber look on her face. She shook her head as she stepped into the house. She heard hushed tones from the parlor. She raised an eyebrow, removing her shoes so she could be as quiet as possible. She walked towards the parlor, wondering what it is she would see when she peeked in. She stopped outside of the doorway, trying to listen in. 

“-was very kind about it.” Sonya said. “She promised to help us in what ways she could, though I do not think she quite knows how to help.” 

”Does anyone really know?” Mary asked softly, a sad sort of amusement in her voice. “Better than my brother, who’d rather ignore it and pretend I felt nothing. I adore him, but he must realize…” She trailed off, looking down. 

”We will be alright, Mary.” Sonya’s voice was the soft sort of hopeful that came from a place of desperation. The kind of hopeful that was part of a last defense. The hopeful that was the last few rays of sunlight before a storm set in. “No matter what occurs, I love you.” 

”And I you.” Mary responded. 

Marya peeked through the doorway. She saw the girls separating from a chaste kiss, their hands were intertwined. Mary leaned her head against Sonya’s shoulder, and the girls reclined on a couch. 

Marya smiled slightly, looking down. She put her shoes back on, stomping to make sure her presence was known. “Sonya?” She called. 

”I am in here.” Sonya’s voice responded. Marya walked into the parlor, noting that the girls still held hands, though they had separated themselves otherwise. 

”Pierre did not have much advice to give. Though he wishes you both every happiness.” She reached down into her bag and pulled out the ruples. “He also wished for you to have these.” She smiled as she handed them over. 

Sonya had a smile that stretched from ear to ear as she accepted the money from the older woman. “Pierre, that good, kind man.” She shook her head slightly. 

”A hundred ruples.” Mary shook her head in awe. “Perhaps…” She bit her lip. “We could use part of it for disguises.” She said, her eyes only looking at Sonya. “We could use the rest to go someplace else, Paris or somewhere where we might be able to get work.” 

Sonya smiled slightly, her hand coming to rest at Mary’s cheek. “Wherever you go, I shall follow.” She promised softly. She glanced back to Marya, her hand falling from the princess’ cheek. “What do you think, Marya?” She asked. 

”I believe we shall miss you.” Marya said with a soft, sad smile. “And you will have to break the news to Natasha.” She added. “But I want you to be happy more than anything.” She knelt in front of the women, taking their hands in hers. “Promise me, you will take care of each other.” 

”Of course.” Mary said softly, looking to Sonya. “She is my best friend.” Sonya nodded her agreement. Marya pulled both girls from the couch into a bone crushing hug. 


End file.
